My Writen Painted felt Authobiography ;)

text

unanswered 

Havent written in some time

maybe resisting to expose misleading thoughts to this perfect untamable water reflecting the moon.

 

Ego has been the reflection insisting to be heard

but the battle was won …. no space to be torn..

Nowhere to land, walking on sand knowing that lessons are one single point of light in the infinity width of the sky on a clear perfect summery night …

 

More layers or learning to walk better?

Strength or Surrender ness? 

 

Adaptation or Resignation?

 

The more I live the less I understand

Wisdom is not clarity but the confusion of seeing too much and the capacity of accepting what is…

Getting older is knowing that life is unpredictable as the souls we get to encounter , as the unstable weather on a tropical

night where a storm welcomes the stars and the moon becomes a spark of bliss.

Maturity is awareness not aging;

getting older is an easy predictable process but not a synonym of inner growth.

How is it called when our space is in between when we are nor yellow nor green

when sadness is the space of comfort as no direction is bringing us purpose ?

how to choose a destination to feel alive and with determination?…..

 

So here I am writing again thinking aloud about life and its innermost turns of the soul as if they were able to give me clarity

to undiscovered disclosures of this unpredictable pathway back home.

 

 

 

 

 

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Eclipse

10670101_347775265390151_2597741953236154825_nConfused by misleading messages, black and white not well defined, blurred lines in this white canvas
Definitions bringing clarity
Silences bringing mystery, as well as opportunities for the creative mind to expand
refusing to surrender to the neutrality of the non-happening, to the comfortable space where things simply remain the same and stability rules
This air is seducing him
the expanding energy cant be tamed and holding it is not an answer anymore….
its raining….and as a shooting star he opens the door and runs as fast as he can
neither wind, rain or darkness can make him desist from this truth
Eclipses can be the obscuring of the light from one celestial body by the passage of another between it and the observer or between it and its source of illumination… he knows that and 
He walks alone
I always wonder how it would be to walk together?


Broken Mold

IMG_4156.JPGFrom every side pushed,
From every edge pressed
From every angle tested;
Guilt being used to shake things up
Fear to bring me back to the preconceived mold;
Flexible as an elastic band stretching,
Being brought to the ground abruptly,
Tension in the air
Peace in her soul
Segmented, judged, classified, routed with nonstop spoken words and infinite silences.
The little hole in the sky keeps her alive
The little light in her heart keeps her breathing
A fight for freedom of choice and courage to remain flying….
The road is bumpy. Fog and uncertainty ruling the way , but this walk cant be interrupted as The only way to live is to walk her walk


mosaic

The mystery we are, I find so difficult to define; when we say who we are, we end up being who we are not; never becomes some-times and sometimes may become an all-ways.

This walk is not eternal
things change, life moves, the same waves that come, are the ones that are instantly seduced back into the water….

……nothing stays the same.

Wrinkles of wisdom stamp our faces of unforgettable memories and non-erasable stories,

I find a great resemblance between life and mosaics:

They are aligned on a tidy floor
sometimes cracked,sometimes dirty, sometimes beautiful and perfect.
We make ourselves play by skipping one or more, jumping and testing ourselves to see how far we can go, or skipping one color to stand on the next,
as if we were winning a game of …. power?

Other times, our feet not even fitting inside and playing’s not even an option….
small pieces are needed to create the big picture, a small piece of cracked glass wont make any sense without the other pieces….

……the adrenaline keeps us moving …..

failure is simply a word
part of a world that is not sold,
we are just doing what we are told.

When I glue my words creating this mosaic, I continue to journal a list of dreamt illusions that come and go as this summer breeze,

Where am I going with this words that keep flowing and continuously rolling down my mind’s slide ?

Conclusions are far to reach, no matter how much I preach
The shore is not seen close by, where life’s answers may reside.
So avoiding to collide i surrender my internal debate to whatever my path will deliver.
Sometimes flowing sometimes stacked sometimes cheery sometimes disconsolate.

I wonder if it would be easier to navigate with a map journeying through the known instead of cruising the rapid waters of this life’s maze piloting harbor-less….

but would it entertain this unforeseeable soul?…..


white canvas

This rain is stimulating my senses
My hand feels untamable
My fingers are playing with the infinite white of this sensual canvas.
My right index is guiding the way, all colors directing the play.
Soft music’s been playing around ,seducing my heart to lay down.
I find a nice spot to hide,
not sure from whom or what at this time, when fear is not felt neither remembered.
The wonder of stillness fulfilling this heart of mine, in love with the illusion of connected souls, evolving together in collective flowing support.
Reality brings other results relating us all as if in cults; when values and choices require approval, when passions and goals need to pass this roles of acceptance, as if societies Laws determine our ”it’s ok’ life’s choices’.
……real love and connection is put aside;
temptations, frustrations, finances re directing our essence
destroying the core of a genuinely dreamt journey called Life
I wonder where do our dreams go….

as I go back to an infinite white canvas
waiting for my words to be finger- painted.


The Void ; his story

So depressed not being able to understand this void…

Something’s missing and hasn’t been there for so long….

‘I’m not understanding the way to decode the language of emptiness that fills up my inside and bit by bit he’s been developing the ability to dye the light into a deep darkness state of confusion and unsolicited surrender-ness’ he reflected

‘who are you?’

‘what do you want from
me?’

‘what are you trying to tell me?’

if only these messages were more authentic, logic and less demagogic ….as ….there’s no reason to reject the wonders of aliveness

Perfect is the image perceived by the spectators , fake is the one released by the naked truth, He thought

‘who do you want to see?’
‘the real me or the ‘what I could be’ me?’ he whispered

This path is the return one, there’s not one to come and one to go.

Longer shorter days giving me the chance to nourish the heart

Mundane experiences sealed as rubber stamps on my skin, intending to be part of the past, with unattained outcomes….

How to enjoy the deepness of this physicality when this indescribable ghosts don’t want to let go….

Is it my Ego mind boycotting my triumphs?…
or simply this incapacity to understand the void language
Trying to fully convince myself that the Universe is speaking to me through gnomic messages?

Maybe this is a new way of communicating I need to master to feed this thirsty whole of emptiness .
…..to be continued

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Seeker

When finding himself, he was losing himself
The more he saw the more he got drowned.

Reality didn’t bring the well seeked clarity that day.

Confusion didn’t bring the typical daily delusion but neither clarity nor ease that day.

Walking and walking he was trying to find a solution.

Slowly and slowly he thought, as if waiting for answers to come unexpectedly from the sun was certainly happening.

His emptiness felt so dark
no matter how bright his sparks were, as unseen by his third eye they lived in mystery.

He wanted to Dive as if the water would clean his shade

He wanted to fly, as if the air up there would erase his pain.

He wanted to run, as if speed would burn the void inside.

……but all he did was stay, in a stillness mode , where the non thinking mind was the one to answer this time.

11


Still unnamed

Does it exist?
Does True Love exist?
So many poems and lyrics
so many phrases and quotes
so many thunders and sunshines above of it all.
Below the surface there’s reality there’s pain and there’s doubt, in a world of ever-growing bouts….

Where is this going, this pain is overflowing….
This empty space goes deep to touch base, trying to win some random race nonexistent to the eyes but clear as a vase.
Could it be platonic?
Could it be the mystical in love with love… that as a cloud it can hide whats real and loud under the eyes of the cowed that screams so aloud to be heard….?
Visiting and staying… or changing its route as simple as the seasons that without any reasons they move to horizons untouched as raw diamonds.

A knot in the throat from unspoken thoughts, painful as shots is the distortion of Love

where is the feeling?
which is its location?
where do you carry it when you pretend you dont have it….

She looks for connection instead of words and deceptions
She looks for a soulmate as if they truly exist in a world of beliefs, of seasons and cliffs, of reasons and fees.
She wants to believe
She wants to retrieve
She wants to forgive herself for this feeling as deep as the core of oceans and shores so strong and life changing as winds of renewal that shower the pain with truth and with rain.

3


in my mind….

in my mind heartbreak was just an indecipherable state
in my mind the sun shielded us from obscurity
in my mind fear was a 4 letter word, unchosen
in my mind, loving was forever & never ending as breathing.
compassion and love our sixth sense.
shadows; only a reflection of trees, of shapes, not a dark soul feeling of fading into the night….
In my mind the beach was our home not allowing money as a medium to subsist on Earth…..where the ocean felt like blankets do and the sand as nests; as the only inhabitants who need money to be alive on Earth, she gifted us with nature and free loving.
In my mind, you & you & you & I… came here to be one, to help each other, through compassion & kindness, excluding  selfishness & simply offering tender love and trust to every soul, even the ones that choose to hide sensitivity and pain due to a misconception of what to be vulnerable and fragile really means
In my mind challenges were confirmation tests of our own true nature; no need for outdoor’s approval
In my mind, a shoot in the hoop still an activity allowing our essence to remain the same & victory not being a game but a feeling in the soulin my mind midnights were my secret spot that helped me unlock my truest Me, reminding me of the pleasure of existence, the abundance that simplicity possesses , of the ones to let go and the ones to keep; building the present as a solid foundation of an incoming future, where dreams come true; and peace, breathing and being; only synonyms of who we truly are.
in my mind eyes were only the windows to a beautiful inside out soul, simply hiding from deception; in love with love but quite scared of opening the heart to allow it’s humble natural flow.
in my mind every kiss would perpetuate all over my pores the indescribable intensity of the passion felt, immortalized as tattoos decorating my skin
Sensuality the motive & manifested art of seduction.
I guess we do know;
in our mind, essence, spirit…
… answers arise at the right day/time, if we are not hiding from them.
In my mind love was more than love;
it meant life
it meant joy
it meant companionship
it meant honesty
it meant freedom of being and choice
it meant hugs and touch
it meant friendship
it meant openness
it meant listening
it meant giving
it meant Unity & Oneness
L.O.V.E. Live life in a Oneness state of Vibrating Existence
in my mind……
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so send Mind, nite nite

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pinch it!
Unwritten she goes designing her path and recreating it as a piece of art being recycled by time and use, life chooses its own way moved by passions and adrenaline

How wise and essential mind is in this journey?
Are choices meant to be born in heart or mind?
what if heart chooses and mind is in disagreement?
Excuse me Sir, where is this life’s manual?
I dont want to go against the law
but … will that make me happy?

Decisions are a duality where separation is present
de-cisions
Present should be whole, integration, union
Can we have it all?

She was at the top of the hill of enjoyment, where no future or past had any participation
Happiness is based on that detachment from control and manipulation of the unknown….
The flow guaranties the enjoyment of whatever comes our way….
Feel, Breath, Meditate, Let go
When mind is stopped and heart is postponed, the umbilical gut feeling arises allowing the choices of Truth to manifest
So send mind nite nite 🙂
Loni!

 

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